So I have this thought that on Fridays I can post some of my favorite Kherington and Kimber stories from the week. I will do it this Friday but you should know that my intentions are always much better than my follow-through so this may be the only one... I'm not kidding.
Just a quick review of my girls. I have Kherington, age 5. She is motherly, neat and organized, rule-follower, loves to study and read, doesn't care for being outdoors, extremely particular about how she looks and feels in clothing, only sees in black and white, and is a perfectionist. Then, there is Kimber, age 2. She loves being outdoors, doesn't care if she's dirty, doesn't really care about books, loves her sweets and candies, knows what she wants and will not give in until she gets it, is more concerned with making people laugh and is just plain cantankerous. In fact, I truly believe she has already mastered the art of annoying her sister and does so simply because she thinks it is fun.
Earlier this week I was doing dishes and heard Kherington yell, "Mom! Kimber's getting my iPad all wet!" I knew they were in the living room with no running water or drinks so as I was contemplating how this would happen or why Kherington would make this up about her sister I hear "Mom! Kimber keeps licking my iPad!" As common with Kimber I'm fairly certain she is only doing this because she likes to see her sister upset but I say one of those sentences I never thought I'd say: "Kimber quit licking your sister's iPad!"
Maybe the most interesting part of motherhood lately has been our trip to Disney on Ice. We enter the building and I do what most moms do: head straight to the restroom. Kherington does her business and I take Kimber in to do hers. Here are some things about Kimber and toilets: if Kherington goes and has not flushed, Kimber will not go unless I flush first. If the toilet seat has any scratch on it, she will not go. She's only 2 but very particular about her toilets. She immediately upon entering the stall, stiffens her body, starts reaching for the door and goes into full 2 year old screaming and fit throwing. I try to convince her to let me shut the door but since there is no reasoning with her I leave frustrated. We return to our seats, I tell Anthony what a weirdo Kimber is and 5 minutes before the show starts I take her again to try. She goes in and does her business with no problems. Again, we return to our seats and I tell Anthony how strange she can be. Intermission comes and I, again, do what all moms of young childen do - we return to the bathroom. We enter the stall, Kimber stiffens up, reaches for the door and screams. This time, though, she yells "Not dis one! Not dis one!" So I say "okay okay. Not this one?" "No" she screams. I ask "but we can go to this one?" pointing to the next stall. "Yes!" I then have one of those mom moments where every bathroom encounter with Kimber throwing a fit quickly flashes in my mind and I realize they all had black toilet seats. That's right - Kimber has a fear of black toilet seats. I find a white toilet seat and she goes with no arguing. So now when I'm in a public restroom with a long line, I get to peek in the stall to see the color of the seat and if it's black I get to politely tell the person behind me "go ahead... we'll wait on the next one". You can imagine the looks I get - most filled with disgust wondering what I saw in there that is making me pass it up. I then get the luxury of explaining to strangers how the restroom is fine I just have a 2 year old who refuses to sit on a black toilet seat. Motherhood!
Have a great weekend!
Friday, September 26, 2014
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
A month with no momma.
Never in a million years could I have guessed this would be the subject of my second blog post but yet, here we are. It has been just over a month since my mom quickly and unexpectedly passed away. For those who haven't heard the full story, the synopsis is: my mom has fought glaucoma, seizures and breast cancer in her lifetime of 64 years. She was, by no means, a perfectly healthy person. But, she was, overall, in good health. She had talked to my dad on the phone while he was at work and when he walked in the house an hour later, she had had a heart attack and passed away.
I feel like I have learned more about dealing with death in the past 33 days than my previous 33 years. No matter how many books you've read, counseling classes you've taken, or number of people you've helped get through a situation like this, the old adage, unfortunately, holds true: there is no teacher like experience. Here are seven truths that have clutched me in the past month. Most I knew on a cerebral level but they have since taken on deeper meaning.
Time stands still for those mourning.
Getting the phone call from my sister and making the 5 hour drive home in the middle of the night feels like a lifetime ago. Standing in the funeral home and choosing a casket had to have been a year ago. How has it only been 33 days? And people keep saying "Wow, it's already been a month?" and I just reply with "It's only been a month?"
It never leaves your mind.
I consider myself a very sympathetic and even empathetic person but I have been guilty of thinking "you need to try to get past this" when weeks later someone is still speaking about their deceased loved one constantly. I now understand - it's all you can think about. Sure, you might be at the lake with friends, or at the state fair watching your children enjoy Disney on Ice or in a deep conversation about politics and terrorists but at the forefront of all your thoughts is your loved one. You're in this state of always thinking "I can't believe this happened."
Observing the living parent is just as hard as losing a parent.
My parents were married 40 years. They were together twice as long as they were single. Watching my dad try to navigate through life as half a person is almost unbearable. His personality has always been care-free and easy-going. He frequently has some new joke to share and loves to make people laugh. I've not heard him laugh and have barely even seen a smile out of him in a month. I know he will slowly find himself again without her but I feel, in a sense, as if I've lost both parents. I truly believe he is doing as well as we can expect but unfortunately expectations right now are not set that high.
The "Denial Phase" should be more accurately labeled the "I can't comprehend this" phase.
Denial seems like something you choose like "I refuse to believe that she died". That is not the case. I want to believe and move on with my life but my brain simply cannot come to terms with it. I just can't make myself understand that for the first time in my life, I can't call my mom. It's ironic how it never leaves your mind but yet your mind can't come to terms with it - no matter how hard you try to understand it.
We All Handle Grief Differently.
I've been given songs to listen to and books to read and I'm appreciative of others reaching out. But I am a busy-body. If I sit still for too long, I may go into depression. So I keep busy. My family has had more activities and outings than ever before. I still feel like I'm dealing with it after everyone's bedroom lights go off but during daylight I want to keep moving.
Sometimes you start to cry.
Most often it's brought on by a song, smell, sight or thought. But sometimes you can feel like you are having a great day and things are starting to feel normal again only to find yourself bawling your eyes out 5 min later for no reason you can come up with.
Without God, family and friends, it's impossible to cope.
I have 5 siblings that are all going through this with me. I cannot imagine going through the past month without them keeping me sane and validating every feeling I've had. My husband has been understanding, loving and has not complained once even though we've eaten out every night for a month straight and the house is a disaster. Finally, I've often heard that after a couple of weeks everyone else goes back to life and the ones really hurting are left all alone. The friends that have continued to let me know they have not forgotten, that they are still praying for me, who are calling just to check in have embedded themselves further in my heart than they could ever realize.
I feel like I have learned more about dealing with death in the past 33 days than my previous 33 years. No matter how many books you've read, counseling classes you've taken, or number of people you've helped get through a situation like this, the old adage, unfortunately, holds true: there is no teacher like experience. Here are seven truths that have clutched me in the past month. Most I knew on a cerebral level but they have since taken on deeper meaning.
Time stands still for those mourning.
Getting the phone call from my sister and making the 5 hour drive home in the middle of the night feels like a lifetime ago. Standing in the funeral home and choosing a casket had to have been a year ago. How has it only been 33 days? And people keep saying "Wow, it's already been a month?" and I just reply with "It's only been a month?"
It never leaves your mind.
I consider myself a very sympathetic and even empathetic person but I have been guilty of thinking "you need to try to get past this" when weeks later someone is still speaking about their deceased loved one constantly. I now understand - it's all you can think about. Sure, you might be at the lake with friends, or at the state fair watching your children enjoy Disney on Ice or in a deep conversation about politics and terrorists but at the forefront of all your thoughts is your loved one. You're in this state of always thinking "I can't believe this happened."
Observing the living parent is just as hard as losing a parent.
My parents were married 40 years. They were together twice as long as they were single. Watching my dad try to navigate through life as half a person is almost unbearable. His personality has always been care-free and easy-going. He frequently has some new joke to share and loves to make people laugh. I've not heard him laugh and have barely even seen a smile out of him in a month. I know he will slowly find himself again without her but I feel, in a sense, as if I've lost both parents. I truly believe he is doing as well as we can expect but unfortunately expectations right now are not set that high.
The "Denial Phase" should be more accurately labeled the "I can't comprehend this" phase.
Denial seems like something you choose like "I refuse to believe that she died". That is not the case. I want to believe and move on with my life but my brain simply cannot come to terms with it. I just can't make myself understand that for the first time in my life, I can't call my mom. It's ironic how it never leaves your mind but yet your mind can't come to terms with it - no matter how hard you try to understand it.
We All Handle Grief Differently.
I've been given songs to listen to and books to read and I'm appreciative of others reaching out. But I am a busy-body. If I sit still for too long, I may go into depression. So I keep busy. My family has had more activities and outings than ever before. I still feel like I'm dealing with it after everyone's bedroom lights go off but during daylight I want to keep moving.
Sometimes you start to cry.
Most often it's brought on by a song, smell, sight or thought. But sometimes you can feel like you are having a great day and things are starting to feel normal again only to find yourself bawling your eyes out 5 min later for no reason you can come up with.
Without God, family and friends, it's impossible to cope.
I have 5 siblings that are all going through this with me. I cannot imagine going through the past month without them keeping me sane and validating every feeling I've had. My husband has been understanding, loving and has not complained once even though we've eaten out every night for a month straight and the house is a disaster. Finally, I've often heard that after a couple of weeks everyone else goes back to life and the ones really hurting are left all alone. The friends that have continued to let me know they have not forgotten, that they are still praying for me, who are calling just to check in have embedded themselves further in my heart than they could ever realize.
Saturday, September 20, 2014
"You Should Write a Book!"
I have heard this suggestion numerous times from numerous people in the past 3 years. While I won't deny the fact that the challenge of writing a book intrigues me, I find it fascinating that people keep telling me that. "Are they really that interested in my mediocre life?" I wonder. Or maybe they are secretly thinking, "Your FB posts are entirely too long and so you need to just go write a book already." (I have been told something similar to the latter by my brother-in-law so I can't help but think that may be more of the case than the former.) Whatever the reason, the thought of starting my own blog began to plant and seed itself inside me (writing a blog just seemed much easier due to the whole process of publishing and then actually selling of a book). So in 2014, I made a New Years resolution to make it happen. I know you are thinking, "it's only September. What's the rush?"
To be honest, I did look into starting this right after the new year and I did what I do before I start anything new; I researched "how to start a blog". I found that to be a successful blogger, one should go into it with a clear idea of what the purpose is and that the blog should help teach or guide others in one specific area. For example, a photography blog would share secrets on getting the perfect lighting or the perfect pose and a cooking blog would be all about recipes and...what...temperatures for baking I guess. So, I spent the next 8 months pinpointing exactly what my blog readers would have in store for them: Nothing. You will probably not learn anything from reading this. It will, more than likely, be a complete waste of your time but isn't that what we have gotten good at - wasting time by reading about others' lives? Here's what I have and hope to offer you. I have 2 girls that say and do some entertaining things and I hope to provide some light-heartedness comedic relief in a world that often takes itself too seriously. At the end of all this, though, I will have a record of my girls' childhood so that when I'm old and they've left me and I have no memory left (since there is very little left in my 30s) I can sit back and reminisce about the days that went entirely too quickly. After I'm gone, they will have some sort of record of their childhood (since it's becoming apparent neither will ever have a finished baby book) and possibly some of the inner thoughts, fears, and revelations of their mom. And if our friends and family and maybe a stranger or two want to tag along for the ride, come on and welcome to the King household.
To be honest, I did look into starting this right after the new year and I did what I do before I start anything new; I researched "how to start a blog". I found that to be a successful blogger, one should go into it with a clear idea of what the purpose is and that the blog should help teach or guide others in one specific area. For example, a photography blog would share secrets on getting the perfect lighting or the perfect pose and a cooking blog would be all about recipes and...what...temperatures for baking I guess. So, I spent the next 8 months pinpointing exactly what my blog readers would have in store for them: Nothing. You will probably not learn anything from reading this. It will, more than likely, be a complete waste of your time but isn't that what we have gotten good at - wasting time by reading about others' lives? Here's what I have and hope to offer you. I have 2 girls that say and do some entertaining things and I hope to provide some light-heartedness comedic relief in a world that often takes itself too seriously. At the end of all this, though, I will have a record of my girls' childhood so that when I'm old and they've left me and I have no memory left (since there is very little left in my 30s) I can sit back and reminisce about the days that went entirely too quickly. After I'm gone, they will have some sort of record of their childhood (since it's becoming apparent neither will ever have a finished baby book) and possibly some of the inner thoughts, fears, and revelations of their mom. And if our friends and family and maybe a stranger or two want to tag along for the ride, come on and welcome to the King household.
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